||[May. 24th, 2008|02:16 pm]
i never thought id say this , but her image now only brings up feelings of deep deep pain, where once it brought me such joy, if only that letter hadn't been sent, i was ready to move on, once comfortable in the idea id tried to be with you, i tried to be your freind, i tried to be anyting, and obviously id failed, but i was alrigth with it, i was alright to move on, but now, that youve revealed how you felt about it, it cheapens my life until now, what was most important to me, its all been stripped away, my life has no meaning anymore, and apparantly if what you said was true, it never really did. the empty feeling of six years of life, god, ive never wanted to not be alive more tan this moment, i dont want to die, i know that now, but this is not a way to exist, in suffering. |
you say i was immature for not being able to move on, maturity and feelings for someone, have little to do with one another, and really it is your own immaturity taht has been most detrimental to this whole situation, you reacted stranger than anyone i have ever heard react to hearing someone likes them, you didn;'t know how to deal with it, you just took a path of avoidance, just like you always do, and where did that get you, just cause you try to pus me out of your life, it doesn't mean im jsut going to stop liking you, it doesn't work like that, i know it wrong of me to stare at you all the time, and oh how meaningless these words will sound to you if you ever read them, but i just couldn't comprehend the fact that for six years, i cared about one person, and now all of a sudden they will be gone, and i will never see them again, i had had one dream for six years, and it didn';t happen, it taught me life doesn't always happen how we wnated it to, my life will never be how i wanted, so it was like whats the point, i stared at you, because i wanted to remember you, unfortunately, anything bordering on the emotional world is completely lost to you, but it was unfair to say the least to do what you did to me, people have come to me saying they liked me, i sure as hell didn't push them away, no theyre still my freinds, it says alot about your immaturity that you weren't able to do the same.
Anothre thing i find hard to believe was how creepy youve found my affections (something ive heard youve been saying ever since ninth grade) what about it do you find so detestable, and the connection you drew to lolita confusde me to no end, in what way is that like that.
im sorry, i only ever wanted to see you happy, ive obviously only made your life worse, and i will try to stay out of it as best as i can.
you grow the fuck up hannah, cause these are things you have to learn to deal with too.