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(no subject) [May. 24th, 2008|02:59 pm]
assuming it is what you implied, it sickens me to think that you thought i ever fell back on drugs or some shit when i was down, cause/ never once

the part tat makes me the saddest is how far off base you are about me, that in-you-head-theatre jack you have never existed, probably like the sweet girl i thoguht id fallen in love probably never existed either, fantastic here we are though, twopeople that dont even exist,

i never thought id be mad at you, but, you are wrong about me, the way you view my feelings for you is sad, they way you handled it was even worse. I deserved better than this.
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(no subject) [May. 24th, 2008|02:16 pm]
i never thought id say this , but her image now only brings up feelings of deep deep pain, where once it brought me such joy, if only that letter hadn't been sent, i was ready to move on, once comfortable in the idea id tried to be with you, i tried to be your freind, i tried to be anyting, and obviously id failed, but i was alrigth with it, i was alright to move on, but now, that youve revealed how you felt about it, it cheapens my life until now, what was most important to me, its all been stripped away, my life has no meaning anymore, and apparantly if what you said was true, it never really did. the empty feeling of six years of life, god, ive never wanted to not be alive more tan this moment, i dont want to die, i know that now, but this is not a way to exist, in suffering.
you say i was immature for not being able to move on, maturity and feelings for someone, have little to do with one another, and really it is your own immaturity taht has been most detrimental to this whole situation, you reacted stranger than anyone i have ever heard react to hearing someone likes them, you didn;'t know how to deal with it, you just took a path of avoidance, just like you always do, and where did that get you, just cause you try to pus me out of your life, it doesn't mean im jsut going to stop liking you, it doesn't work like that, i know it wrong of me to stare at you all the time, and oh how meaningless these words will sound to you if you ever read them, but i just couldn't comprehend the fact that for six years, i cared about one person, and now all of a sudden they will be gone, and i will never see them again, i had had one dream for six years, and it didn';t happen, it taught me life doesn't always happen how we wnated it to, my life will never be how i wanted, so it was like whats the point, i stared at you, because i wanted to remember you, unfortunately, anything bordering on the emotional world is completely lost to you, but it was unfair to say the least to do what you did to me, people have come to me saying they liked me, i sure as hell didn't push them away, no theyre still my freinds, it says alot about your immaturity that you weren't able to do the same.
Anothre thing i find hard to believe was how creepy youve found my affections (something ive heard youve been saying ever since ninth grade) what about it do you find so detestable, and the connection you drew to lolita confusde me to no end, in what way is that like that.

im sorry, i only ever wanted to see you happy, ive obviously only made your life worse, and i will try to stay out of it as best as i can.

you grow the fuck up hannah, cause these are things you have to learn to deal with too.

(no subject) [May. 23rd, 2008|07:05 pm]
why do you have to make things harder, it was hard enough having to leave in the first place, why must you insist on cutting me off from you entirely, what other than good have i ever wished for you, what trouble have i brought you, and all you do is try to hurt me,

(no subject) [May. 23rd, 2008|06:32 pm]
please someone save me!

(no subject) [Aug. 26th, 2007|03:15 pm]
i see in italian film
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In one blue feild, in stubbled color [May. 28th, 2007|08:01 pm]
[Current Location |ma chambre]
[Current Mood |optimisticoptimistic]
[Current Music |Imogen Heap/M83]

How did i get here? the pain so unexpected and undeserved and for some reason, cleared away the cobwebs/ I realized i didn't hate the cabinet door, i hated my life, my house, my family
NOthing would ever change. nothing new could ever be expected; it had to end, and it did.
Now in the dark world where i dwell, ugly thing and surprising things, and sometimes
little wonderous things spil out at me constantly,
and i can count on nothing

hm [May. 12th, 2007|08:42 am]
my pet guinea pig died
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Ainori off the air once more [May. 6th, 2007|01:51 am]
It seems LA-18 has decided to remove ainori once again, i believe it was probably due to them not having sufficient funding to lease the block from Fujisankei TV in japan, since the japanese slot on saturdays after ten has been replaced by paid programming.

missed out on that one.
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blake [Mar. 22nd, 2007|12:13 am]

every night and every morn
some to misery are born
every morn and every night
some are born to sweet delight
some are born to sweet delight
some are born to endless night
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For those that missed it ^_^ [Feb. 25th, 2007|12:23 am]
[Current Location |Stockholm(ainori wise)]
[Current Mood |excitedexcited]
[Current Music |Talk Show Host]

LOCATION: Stockholm, Sweden
2 new members!

apparantly they spent the day exploring stockholm, and trying on weird outfits?

however, im not sure cause that was before is started watching
I started five minutes in
At a swedish home, where they all tried some strange fish dish with something that looked like pita bread which they subsequently all gagged on/spit out(in the case of Ueki)

yankumi(cool girl) has become smitten with another one of hte contestants, and meets him in secret at night in the lobby to talk, she then excitedly talks about hte love interest (Yokomi)
However, he does not necessarily show the same feelings

San-Chan(that quiet, weird kid) has still not shown interest in anyone yet(nor will he apparantly in the next like 10 epidodes) both chaki(the girl that broke that one guys heart) and yankumi have tried to socialize with him, but off screen, he seems to be annoyed to some extent by this.

Chaki and Ueki are having a fantastic realtionship, at one scene they have a moment on top of a mountain.

apparantly in the past two weeks tachi(the guy who was crying all the time over that romanian girl at the boxing match) and Junko left happily with each other.(or maybe we knew that : \)
NEXT WEEK: drama involving chaki! what will happen with San-chan(asks new gay guy eiji wentz) what about Yankumi, oh so much going on!

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